She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
