I got chris browned last night
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize