'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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