my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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