I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
