oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
