Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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