so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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