you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Who died my cat blue again?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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