having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
