Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Randomize