But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize