Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
