i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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