No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
