I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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