This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
