dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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