Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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