Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
