I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
