At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
