I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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