It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize