put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
