I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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