you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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