she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
