never play flip cup with pint glasses
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
