I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
