I'm laying in your front yard are you home
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
