Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
