If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Floor bacon is actually really good
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
