and next time when you feel me up, do it right
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
