sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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