I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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