This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
