hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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