Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
