My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Can I color on your dick again?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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