She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
