Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
