remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
