so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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