It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
