Christians are straight up FREAKS
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
