You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
