1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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