I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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