i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
farters have to be the big spoon...
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
