i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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