There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
