I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
