Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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