I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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