i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
