So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
