If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize