Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
