There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
