i think i have two assholes
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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