Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
